This time, hate won but I will continue in faith.

Yesterday was Election Day. Yesterday I filled out my ballot and hoped that what I was voting for was right. I wasn't sure about how I would feel about this election. The campaign trail was long and gruesome. Between the 2 major party candidates, the choice was between someone whose platform ideas I understood and shared (in a general sense although the actual plans for completing those platforms definitely could use work) but said terrible things and had done terrible things or someone whose platform I didn't agree with for the most part and had also said and done some terrible things. Neither option was pleasing to me. If I had to choose just between those 2, I would have chosen for the one whose platform I agreed with.

Over the past few elections, I seen or heard about people becoming extremely emotional by the outcomes. Again, this isn't something I have ever experienced. I think this is because of my religious upbringing and eternal perspective. I believe that God loves us and in order to help us grow and learn He allows us to experience trials and hardship. Sometimes these hardships are due to our own decisions, sometimes because of the decisions for others, and sometimes simply because they help us grow. This is where faith and perspective help me feel secure, happy, and confident. I understand that this life isn't the end game. I believe the laws of justice and mercy will ensure that everything works out when that appointed time comes. Part of faith is learning to continue doing what you believe is good and right even when things aren't going the way you plan.

Picture of the saying above my bed.

So this morning as I perused through Facebook, I struggled to understand people crying simply because one candidate lost. I was a little confused as to why they wondered what they would tell their kids about this election outcome. I couldn't understand why, when this president-elect hasn't done anything yet, people were so afraid. However, now I am beginning to see but my feelings aren't because of who won or who lost. Mine come because of what we as a people, as fellow Americans and human beings, are doing to each other. 

People who said they are against hate and couldn't vote for someone who spewed so much hate are now hating, bullying, and demeaning a group of people they blame for the election outcome. People who share the same race or ethnicity are anger and threatening violence against their own if they ever find out they voted for the president-elect. People are telling other people to pack their bags and leave the country; sometimes this is adults directed towards anyone who said they'd leave if that candidate won and others have been young adults directed towards classmates. Why would we treat each other so?

There is so much hating, judging, name calling, finger pointing, pouting, gloating, and other self-centered, bully like behavior going on that I am sure Satan is laughing with delight. As of right now, I feel like he is the only winner in this election. 

I just wish people would stop for a moment and take a deep breath. Instead of focusing on what they are feeling and going through, think about what others may be feeling and going through. Try to understand why they made the choice they did.  

As I watch the events unfold (riots, protests, threats, and more in addition to what people are posting online), I feel as though I am getting a glimpse of what Mormon, Ether and Moroni felt as they watched as their civilization divided into 2 groups and then started fighting. In their stories, after battles of who was right, they went to war. In Ether's tale, all but 2 people were killed. In Mormon and Moroni's tale, one side prevailed but only after extreme losses and in the process, they lost their humanity. Is this what it has come to? Are we destined to go this same route? I hope that we do not, "but if not" (Daniel 3:18) I know that God has a greater plan and if I trust in Him things may still be difficult but in the end, it will work out.

Perspective: Its About Point of View

I have often had this thought and after rereading this article, I loved how my thoughts were described by someone else. The following quotes come from portions of this talk given at a General Conference session for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

"Perspective is the way we see things when we look at them from a certain distance..." Depending on the distance, our perspective can change. "It is like being in a forest and having a tree in front of us. Unless we step back a little, we will not be able to appreciate what a forest really is."

When small children learn to work on puzzles, they often become frustrated when the pieces don't quickly and easily fit together. My own daughter has said that the puzzle is broken or missing pieces when she can't find ones that fit together.

Like the story about the forest, looking at only a few pieces in the puzzle makes it hard to see the big picture. But sometimes in order to put the pieces together, you need to focus on the the small pieces to see how they fit; to match up the edges and align the designs.

Even when multiple pieces are starting to come together, we can make guesses as to what the picture might contain and even have a pretty good idea of what the final image will be.

But until the entire puzzle is put together and finished, we cannot understand how or what effect the picture many have on us or appreciate the image or its complexity.

I have started to compare life to a giant puzzle. There are parts we understand and parts we don't. As we slowly connect these pieces together, we can see a theme or guess at what the general idea is about. However, it won't be until we connect all the pieces, in their correct places, that we will gain an understanding of the picture or plan before us.

We never know how much of our puzzle is complete especially when compared to someone else's puzzle or their standards. Sometimes we put the pieces together at different starting points and find it hard to make connects between what they see and think when compared to what we see and think. We won't be able to understand what others see or believe until we can see something from their perspective or use their process of thinking to see where they started and what path they used in order to reach their conclusions.

Seeing the Bigger Picture: Evidence versus Proof

A while back I posted about how I like doing puzzles. I have a puzzle app where many of the puzzles don't show the entire picture to start out. As I start one of these puzzles, I try to guess what the picture might be. Sometimes this is quite easy and others, I was more than halfway done before I realized what was going on.

I believe there is often a bigger picture to be seen than the small puzzle pieces we seem to focus on. As parts are connected and come together, we can see and understand what that picture is and start to understand the effect it will have on our lives.

One of the things I have noticed about society is the need for data and information to support our belief as to where a puzzle piece fits, how it fits, why it fits, or even simply what it is, or data and information to oppose another person's belief that we don't agree with or believe ourselves.

Two similar concepts that have helped me in forming opinions and seeing where pieces fit into the picture are the scientific method and (my very basic understanding of) the proceedings in a court of law.

The way I understand it, a law, for both science and in court rooms, is the absolute at the given point. In science, this is because it has been proven. In a court room, this is because the law makers have decided this is what they feel is best for the benefit of society (or depending on your point of view, the best to keep them in office). Laws in science very rarely change. Laws in the legal sense change, it seems, about as often as the wind changes.

However, when trying to understand something, anything really, it seems as though you can use a process similar to either legal proceedings or the scientific method to determine an outcome.

Both start with an idea or question of what happened or what will happen. Then comes research, discovery, data collection. Now you can create an hypothesis which is a suggested outcome based on the data and information collected. At the testing phase, you see if your hypothesis will hold up. In a court, this depends on many human variables. Science is generally in a slightly more controlled environment. Now, either the judge or jury for a court of law or you if conducting an experiment can analyze results and draw conclusions.

While some people have a firm grasp on this part of the concept, the piece I find many forget is the difference between proof and evidence. Proof means there is no way to show any other alternative or come to a different conclusion. Evidence is just something that points towards, leads to, or gives hint of a possible conclusion.

In a court of law, DNA is proof. No one (except clones and maybe identical twins) shares DNA. So you can't claim that DNA isn't yours. However, depending on where the DNA was found and what source it came from, alternate theories of how it got there can be given. Science has only a few laws; gravity and thermodynamics are the only 2 that come immediately to mind. However, similar to law, these laws are only in force given certain criteria.

On the other hand, evidence only points or nudges to a certain outcome. The legal system gives instructions on how much weight evidence should hold when making a decision and how far decided on that outcome you should be before coming to a decision; for example, preponderance of evidence, reasonable doubt and beyond reasonable doubt. In science, usually the outcome needs to be repeated several times with the same outcome or the end data needs to be scientifically significant.

The reason I wanted to talk about all of this is too many people in debates or arguments over political, societal, and moral topics treat evidence as proof. Or in collecting data and information, they saw trends and simply skipped straight to draw conclusions. I have seen people who ignore the opposing party's evidence because it doesn't fit. Sometimes during testing, they allowed too many variables or didn't have a control group to compare their data against.

Doing these things blurs the edges of each puzzle piece and makes it appear as though the piece fits when it really doesn't. I have done a puzzle with 1 or 2 pieces in the wrong spot and struggled to complete the puzzle. One puzzle I was actually convinced there was a piece missing from the brand new box rather than the simpler conclusion of a piece out of place. Being open minded to other possibilities helps us not fall into this problem of being convinced we are always right or the only one right, when it may be us who has the piece in the wrong place.

What's your story?

A couple weeks ago, Jake was reading a book he had ordered online and found that 2-3 pages were half missing. After the company sent him a new book, he had me read him the missing pages while we were driving. I want to share part of the story. It's from "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller. 

The basic premise of the story is what the author learned about life while learning about how to convert one of his books into a screenplay for a movie. In this chapter, the author is talking with a friend about the friend's struggles with his teenage daughter (13 years old). The friend was frustrated because recently they found pot in the daughter's closet, the guy she was dating wasn't help guide her to a better life, and she wasn't involved with the family at all. Any type of punishment or corrective action was making things seem worse. The author then says the friend's daughter "was living a terrible story." When the friend questioned what he meant, the author explains that he had recently learned a story is about a "character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it." Then the author says the daughter must just be caught up in a bad story. Interestingly, the author wasn't aware of the impact this talk had on his friend. 

A few months later, the friend and his family were doing better. The friend explained that he helped create a better story for his daughter. The daughter didn't have a part that she felt was important and so she went looking for a story that made her feel wanted and appreciated, not matter what the consequences. "In the absence of a family story, she's chosen a story in which there was risk and adventure, rebellion and independence...people can't live without a story, without a role to play."

This got me thinking, what kind of story am I living? What kind of story am I creating for my children, family, and friends? How many people, children, teenagers, and even adults, are stuck in a bad story? How can I help create a better story? 

I don't have the all answers yet but I know that being involved and helping them feel important will help in creating heroes and develop better stories. There are times when I think "My story is so boring. No one would ever want to read or watch my story." During these times, I try to remember that not every part is written into a story and my story is a lot longer than just this mortal life. Its often a matter of perspective and remember that we are the masters of  our stories all while playing parts in the stories of others. 

Being Friends on Social Media

I always seem to be behind the times; in hair styles, clothing, trends, etc. This is especially true when it comes to technology and social media. I never had a "Myspace" page. I started my first blog in 2009 which was the down side of a bell curve of people reading and writing blogs. I didn't join Facebook for another year or 2 after that and I only joined then because we had moved out of state and every one kept telling me that it's the best way to stay in contact with friends and see what is going on in people's lives. Only recently did I join Instagram. Still not on Twitter.

Looking back, I can see how all these things evolved. When email came out, that was how everyone communicated. You sent an email to catch up with friends because you weren't sure you could talk on the phone.  Sometimes you sent mass emails to make sure people were updated on your life or to collect information you needed. Then came blogs and Myspace. Places were you could update information about your life so that only those who were interested could come read about you. Then Facebook and others as a way to share certain particulars or reconnect with people you may have lost connection with over the years. Media, marketing, celebrities, etc then grabbed a hold of these means of communication so now our feeds are so full of these groups, most of our time is spent looking and tracking them. 

In theory, social media platforms can keep you informed of what is going on around you and keep you updated on others lives. Sometimes its only because of Facebook that I know when friends or family are having or have had kids, moved, changed jobs, etc. However, I feel social media can make us feel alienated from the people we claim we are connecting with.

I often ask myself, "Why didn't so-so like what I posted? Do they really not like it? Did they not see it?" or "Why did so-so like the post? They've never been interested in that before. Do they actually like what I posted or is it just because they want to show support for me?" These are just a few of the questions I sometimes ask when I am too focused on what people's opinions of me are. Sometimes I start doubting myself or my relationship with someone because I see how they interact with others and compare it with how they interact with me.

I guess the point I am trying to get at is...social media helps me stay a little more up to date with friends, family, acquaintances and people from my past but I don't feel like it helps strength or even prompt actual friendship.

"The internet; where everyone has a opinion but no one is listening" - since I don't know if anyone else said this, I'll attribute it to my husband.

Will you still remember?

Why are we so worried about being remembered? I wish I knew. I just know that everyone has a desire to know they are thought about.

I first took notice of this while serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints down in Ecuador. Many of the people we visited with, whether they were members of the Church or if they had simply spoken with other missionaries, always asked if the other missionaries remembered them. These people carried with them pictures from those missionaries and spoke about them so much but doubted if they were remembered because they hadn't received a letter or a visit from the missionary. (Side note: most of the areas I worked in were so poor that a majority of the people didn't have telephones or internet. There weren't addresses on the houses or on the streets. Letters had to be mailed to other missionaries and delivered to the house, assuming someone in the area still knew the family.)

Others who worry about being remembered are those who lose a loved one too soon in life, especially a child. I have seen comments on other blogs that one way to support a loved one who has lost someone else is to show you remember the one they lost; by talking about them, by celebrating birthdays or anniversaries and such. I have heard these people comment that they worry they are starting to forget the person who has passed on because they didn't think about what to buy them at Easter, they don't know what their favorite food would have been, or because others around them don't remember these dates so special to them.

And still others concerned about whether they are remembered are those struggling with depression and sadness. I'm sure everyone has had at least one moment when they wish someone would notice them or think of them and when no one does, they wonder if others really see or remember them. Those that contemplate suicide often think of all the people they have known and one by one find a reason for that person to not know, wonder, or care about them. That's why many of these people don't call friends or family during these times of sadness and hurt. They feel, for whatever reason, that the other person wouldn't care or wouldn't remember them. They think if no one noticed them before, no one will notice when they are not around.

While I don't know why we are concerned with being remembered, I do believe that Satan uses this feeling and turns it against us. It's a way to make us feel alone and weak. It's a way to make us feel undervalued and forgettable. It's makes us feel unloved.

However, if I stop and think about all the people I have met and remember, I realize we had some sort of connection. And I have to believe that if they also felt a connection to me, they will remember me as well. I may not think of them all on a daily basis and some I may not think about for a long time but eventually with an old letter, a picture, a smell, an activity, an event, or whatever it may be, they are brought back into remembrance.

While I haven't sent a letter to anyone in Ecuador since I was married, I still think of the people there. I think about them often. I wonder what is going on in their lives. Are things better for them? Are they happy? I don't have constant or even regular contact with most of my friends and family but I do think of them. Friends and family who have passed on to the next life, I think of them. I may not remember birthdays or special anniversaries but I do remember the impact they had on my life. I also remember and see the impact they have on the lives of those closest to them.

Many of us use social media to help fight these feelings, but I don't feel like it has the desired effect we are looking for. We use social media to search out old and new friends, to be connected and stay appraised of other's lives but even with all of that we aren't actually making connections. We aren't using social media to "know" people the way we need to in order to feel that we are connected and remembered.

I am challenging myself to send a text, a voice mail, a picture, a thought, a meme, or even make a phone call when I have a memory of a person or run across a photo. Instead of waiting for friends, family or associates to reach out and remember me, I am trying to reach out to show that I remember them.

If you are one who is currently struggling and is feeling like you or someone near you is not being remembered, know that there is someone who remembers you, who loves you and who has a constant reminder of you. Isaiah 49:14-16 (Also 1 Nephi 21:14-16) "But Zion said, The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me. Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me."

Listening to the Still, Small Voice

Often at church, we are instructed to be aware of the promptings (as inspiration or revelation) of the Holy Ghost to help us throughout life. Many times, this comes as feelings but sometimes it comes as a voice.  I always thought if I heard the voice, it would be one sent to keep me or family safe or that it would instruct me on how to make major decisions in my life. Until recently, I didn't ever think that voice would come as what seemed like random bits and pieces of information, that at times seemed to go against logic.

During times of the when I had major decisions to make, a combination of circumstance, logical thinking, and feelings worked together to guide my path. They all worked together. As I continue to study and learn more about the love that God has for us His children, I have learned He will give help for those things we ask for through prayer.

Many times I pray for help to make it through the day, keep organized so I can complete tasks I want, and for help in being a good mom. Most of the time, I do things I have learned, read, or been taught throughout my life and I see these things happen over time. Although it is not immediate or a huge change, these are still answers to my prayers.

Back to the point of this post, recently I have noticed a small voice or thought that prompts me to do something I wasn't planning on doing. Sometimes I follow through because it makes sense, I can follow the logic behind the thought. However there are some times when I ignore these thoughts or push them aside because "that doesn't make sense" or "someone would have said something". In the past, I have dismissed these thoughts as me being crazy because why would God be concerned with helping me on such everyday life things.

Here are the 2 examples that come to mind immediately. Back when we lived in another state, packing to visit was very stressful and I tried to do so carefully because of the distance traveled or amount a space available. One time I remember as I was packing, I had the thought to grab our swimsuits. I dismissed the thought with we won't be there long, that's extra packing (because it was swimsuits, swim diapers, etc), and it was winter. However, while we were here, my sister suggested that we go swimming instead of just hanging out playing. Had I listened to that voice instead of my logic, we would have been able to go. Was this life altering? Did not going swimming make me a bad mom? No, but it was still an answer to a prayer to be prepared.

The next one was just this week. In a place where cold weather and snow is common during the winter, this year has been unusually warm and dry. My daughter's preschool had done a unit on water, rain, and snow and as part of it wanted to play in the snow. Because there hadn't been a lot of snow, the outdoor activities kept getting pushed back until snow arrived. Over the weekend, we received that snow. I had remembered her teacher talking about playing in the snow once it happened but I figured she would notify us (by email or text) of the day they were going to play so we send the kids to school prepared. Since it had snowed, I had my daughter grab her coat and wear her snow boots. I placed her hat and snow gloves in her backpack just in case it was cold while they waited to be dropped off and picked up. As I was walking out the door, the thought "pack her snow pants" came to me. Of course I brushed it off as "the teacher would have said something." As I was dropping my daughter off, I noticed kids in the first car and second cars get out in full snow suits and carrying sleds. When it was our turn, I asked if the kids were going to play in the snow today and the teacher responded yes. My choices now were drive home and return with the pants (and the outside layer of her snow coat) or let her play in the snow with just her regular pants. Had I listened to the small thought (voice), I could have just handed the pants over and returned home. Again, an answer to help me use time wisely and be able to do everything I wanted that day and I had ignored it.

Again, these were not big situations or problems but they were responses from a loving father giving because I had asked for them. When they were given, I ignored them. I now have a goal to strive to follow those thoughts, no matter how silly, illogical, or small they seem. I have been grateful when I have followed those thoughts to "grab the Children's Tylenol and cold medicine", "pack sunscreen", or "make sure there are snacks and drinks in the car." When I follow, I am prepared for whatever comes my way; a quick onset cold, a random sunny day with a passerby in need of protection, or a snow storm combined with an accident that prevent us from eating a meal at a regular time. There will be times I may not see or understand how it was an answer to a prayer or a blessing for me and others it becomes quite obvious but at least I will have used the help giving to me when I asked for it.