Accepting and Asking for Help

In front of me in a church meeting today sat a family. At the beginning of the meeting, both parents were there with their 5 kids. Sometime in the middle of the meeting, the father left with the youngest child leaving the mother with 4 boys (who all appeared to be under the age of 10). The younger 2 boys were doing their best but having a hard time sitting still. I understand. My 3 year old was also struggling. Several times throughout the meeting, the mother took one or both of the younger boys out into the hallways to release a little energy. The final time she took them out was just as the meeting was wrapping up. There were toys, crayons, pencils, and paper everywhere on the floor. That's how things are with young kids. I walked up to the 2 older boys, who had been coloring quietly through the meeting, and asked them to help me pick up their stuff. I thought this would help the other mother so she wouldn't have to come in from caring for the other 2 boys and then gather everything. Soon another mom and her family (father and 2 teenage kids) were helping. We had everything picked up in a matter of moments. Then I sat waiting with the boys until their mother returned. As she walked in, she made a few comments that I think are common thoughts. "Oh I'm so embarrassed." "You didn't need to do that." "We could have cleaned it up." and a few others. I have had these same thoughts before.

Another time in a meeting for women, we were all sharing things that are hard for us or things we struggle with. Many of the women mentioned they have a hard time asking for and accepting help. After this meeting, I started wondering why it is so hard to ask for or accept help from others. Because of this, I find myself thinking about this when I need to ask for help or when I am avoiding asking for help. 

Somehow in society, we have decided that asking for help means we are in over our heads or that can't take care of it ourselves. However, most people giving service don't feel this way. Today I helped that family, not because I thought the mother was struggling or because she wasn't doing a good job or because she couldn't have done it herself. I helped because she didn't need to stay later cleaning up after she had been caring for the others. I helped because my husband was still in the room with my kids and he could help them while I helped her kids. I helped because when I have been in similar situations I wanted nothing more to be able to go and let my kids be kids and this way she could quicker.  I helped because we are all in this together, helping and supporting each other.

Although, there have been plenty of times I have not asked for help or had to force myself to be grateful for help when it wasn't super helpful. (Think kids learning to fold laundry and put away clothes.)  

Finding Service

If you are like me, there are times when you feel like you should serve but you aren't sure how. You may even offer to help with anything but are just as happy when no one takes you up on your offer. I know that I have even prayed to find people to serve and sometimes feel a little frustrated when no one accepts my help or can think of anything they need help with.

Over the past month, I have tried to switch my thinking around. Instead of waiting for someone to realize what they need help with, I started looking for things people may want help with but are perfectly capable of doing on their own. I started asking friends and neighbors if their kids wanted to come play and suggest the parent do some shopping or complete some tasks around home that needed to be worked on. I am positive these parents could have done just fine on their own but I also know what its like to try and complete certain tasks when kids are present.

The next thing I am trying is to focus away from me and my family. I know family is important but there are times when we need to look beyond them. This allows you to see what others are doing and assess how you might help. If you aren't looking, you'll never notice your elderly neighbor struggling to bend over and pick up fruit falling off the trees or the parent at the park who seems overwhelmed and frustrated that the kids won't hurry to the car. You may not notice your spouse continue to work on projects around the house. You need to open your eyes, look past the kids schedules, dismiss electronics at times, and be willing to give your time and you'll start to be amazed at the service opportunities around you.

The last thing, be willing to accept help. Remember, allowing others to serve will help them and help you, even if it is only something you want help with but not necessarily need help with it.

Follow these links for more information about service and a page about doing good.

Am I doing enough?

I saw this video a week or two ago. I watched it after about 4 friends on Facebook shared and commented about it. I am sure many of us, male or female, feel this way more and more. Am I doing enough? Of course, during school years or in organization classes, we were taught the best way to assess is to look at the facts, data, or create a list to gauge what you are accomplishing. When this happens, many of us look at not what we accomplished but what we didn't, especially when we really wanted to complete everything or when we were sure we could complete everything.

Since watching that video, I realized I need to create a different list as well. I often create "to do" lists and set deadlines so I don't forget about what needs to happen around the house.  Sometimes I would become frustrated when the items weren't completed in the time or in the way I would like them to be. Then I wonder if I am doing enough or why can't I complete all the things others appear to do (sew kids costumes, teach lessons, clean the entire house, make wonderful meals everyday, have tons of homemade crafts and games for the kids, etc.)

Instead of asking myself "Am I doing enough?", I will ask "Am I doing enough of what is truly important?" This will help me focus on the needs of me and my family, not the wants. To refocus my list, I need to remember what is really necessary in life. What are life's necessities? Food, water, clothing, shelter. Right? For me, I would add spiritual needs; prayers, scripture study, time serving (calling, visiting, helping, etc). Now, at the end of the day, instead looking just at what was or wasn't done on my to do list. I can check off the necessities list.

• Did we say at least one prayers as a family? Did I say at least one personal prayer?
• Did I read (or hear) scriptures with my kids? Did I take time for personal scripture study? 
• Did my kids eat? Did I eat?
• Did they have clothes on? Do I have clothes on?
• Does my family have shelter and/or protection from the elements? Am I doing what I can to make sure they are or will be protected?
• Did I take the opportunity to teach when the moment presented itself?
• Did I watch for service opportunities and take the time to do them?

I won't include, was I wearing making or the cutest outfit, was the house spotless, was dinner nice, etc. Those details don't matter. The necessities were taken care of and that's what matters the most. What other questions would you have on your list? 

Sometimes I am sad that my daughter isn't doing dance, learning piano, or playing a sport already. So many of the kids her age are already doing one or more of these activities. Most days I feel lucky to spend 30 minutes outside playing with her.  On those days (especially when she is trying to guilt trip me with "but I never get to play with my friend" or "we never do anything fun"), I can remember I did what was necessary for the day and that is good enough.