Accepting and Asking for Help

In front of me in a church meeting today sat a family. At the beginning of the meeting, both parents were there with their 5 kids. Sometime in the middle of the meeting, the father left with the youngest child leaving the mother with 4 boys (who all appeared to be under the age of 10). The younger 2 boys were doing their best but having a hard time sitting still. I understand. My 3 year old was also struggling. Several times throughout the meeting, the mother took one or both of the younger boys out into the hallways to release a little energy. The final time she took them out was just as the meeting was wrapping up. There were toys, crayons, pencils, and paper everywhere on the floor. That's how things are with young kids. I walked up to the 2 older boys, who had been coloring quietly through the meeting, and asked them to help me pick up their stuff. I thought this would help the other mother so she wouldn't have to come in from caring for the other 2 boys and then gather everything. Soon another mom and her family (father and 2 teenage kids) were helping. We had everything picked up in a matter of moments. Then I sat waiting with the boys until their mother returned. As she walked in, she made a few comments that I think are common thoughts. "Oh I'm so embarrassed." "You didn't need to do that." "We could have cleaned it up." and a few others. I have had these same thoughts before.

Another time in a meeting for women, we were all sharing things that are hard for us or things we struggle with. Many of the women mentioned they have a hard time asking for and accepting help. After this meeting, I started wondering why it is so hard to ask for or accept help from others. Because of this, I find myself thinking about this when I need to ask for help or when I am avoiding asking for help. 

Somehow in society, we have decided that asking for help means we are in over our heads or that can't take care of it ourselves. However, most people giving service don't feel this way. Today I helped that family, not because I thought the mother was struggling or because she wasn't doing a good job or because she couldn't have done it herself. I helped because she didn't need to stay later cleaning up after she had been caring for the others. I helped because my husband was still in the room with my kids and he could help them while I helped her kids. I helped because when I have been in similar situations I wanted nothing more to be able to go and let my kids be kids and this way she could quicker.  I helped because we are all in this together, helping and supporting each other.

Although, there have been plenty of times I have not asked for help or had to force myself to be grateful for help when it wasn't super helpful. (Think kids learning to fold laundry and put away clothes.)  

Good, Better, Best... or Just Different

If I were to ask which is the most important body part, what would you answer? The brain controls everything but without muscles, nerves, skin, and bones it wouldn't have anything to direct. The heart provides blood with all the nutrients but without lunges, our body wouldn't have needed oxygen. Legs may move us from place to place, but are nothing without the previously mentioned organs. Every part of the body is needed to help the body work to full capacity. Even when there are parts that don't work, are misshapen, or have other issues, this doesn't make the body as a whole less useful. It is different and can be of value given the right situation. 

So why do we place things in a hierarchy of good, better, best? More importantly, why do we place higher value to certain people over others? Is it their clothes? Their job? How much money they make, have saved, give to charity? Is it the number of people how know about you? What about their intelligence? Art abilities? Athletic abilities? What gives people their value?

I have grown up believing that all people are valuable and that God care about all of us. As His children, we have divine qualities and royal lineage. Just as importantly, we have individual worth. We have value because of our divine qualities and royal lineage but our individuality makes us different, unique, and special. They don't decrease our value. Actually, the increase it. Like the body, any one part by itself may work to its greatest capacity but still not be able to reach its full potential without the other parts of the body. 

So why do we treat people better or worse based on what value we've given them? 

It's happened throughout all of history. People who were considered less valuable were conquered and made slaves, or killed. Now I can't say for sure but I assume that's what happened with the Native Americans and the African Slaves in the beginning of modern times in North America. Boats of people showed up in "modern clothing" and with knowledge and technology. They had written language and long distance sailing capabilities. They found groups of people wearing clothing from items directly from the land. Their language sounded more primitive and they lacked a written history. The people were often more nomadic in nature or lived in basic dwellings. The new arrivals determined the others were of less value or put the land to better use and so they captured the natives and took them away from their land or took their land away from them. They had decided these people were of less value. 

We are seeing similar mentalities today. Groups of people are determined to have less value because of their beliefs, because of the actions of others who look like them, because they don't live up to the clothing standards arbitrarily set by a group of people, or any number of things. Now that this value has been assigned, the people are treated that way. It's very heartbreaking to see. 

What if we change that way of thinking? Instead of placing value on people we looked at them and said "they are different and that's ok. I wonder how they can help or benefit society." Maybe then the  only judgments passed on a person would be based on that person's actions and only more of an assessment. 

I wonder if we thought of the people of the world as parts to the same body, all performing different but important functions. When a part of the body isn't working right, some areas compensate while others rush to the aid of the injured or ailing part. 

This is how I try to teach my children. When they comment about clothing, language/accent, ability/disability, or any other characteristic we talk about how that makes them different but then we talk about how they still do things similar to us and how they might be able to do things better. Different makes us unique and special but does not make us greater or less than someone else.  

This time, hate won but I will continue in faith.

Yesterday was Election Day. Yesterday I filled out my ballot and hoped that what I was voting for was right. I wasn't sure about how I would feel about this election. The campaign trail was long and gruesome. Between the 2 major party candidates, the choice was between someone whose platform ideas I understood and shared (in a general sense although the actual plans for completing those platforms definitely could use work) but said terrible things and had done terrible things or someone whose platform I didn't agree with for the most part and had also said and done some terrible things. Neither option was pleasing to me. If I had to choose just between those 2, I would have chosen for the one whose platform I agreed with.

Over the past few elections, I seen or heard about people becoming extremely emotional by the outcomes. Again, this isn't something I have ever experienced. I think this is because of my religious upbringing and eternal perspective. I believe that God loves us and in order to help us grow and learn He allows us to experience trials and hardship. Sometimes these hardships are due to our own decisions, sometimes because of the decisions for others, and sometimes simply because they help us grow. This is where faith and perspective help me feel secure, happy, and confident. I understand that this life isn't the end game. I believe the laws of justice and mercy will ensure that everything works out when that appointed time comes. Part of faith is learning to continue doing what you believe is good and right even when things aren't going the way you plan.

Picture of the saying above my bed.

So this morning as I perused through Facebook, I struggled to understand people crying simply because one candidate lost. I was a little confused as to why they wondered what they would tell their kids about this election outcome. I couldn't understand why, when this president-elect hasn't done anything yet, people were so afraid. However, now I am beginning to see but my feelings aren't because of who won or who lost. Mine come because of what we as a people, as fellow Americans and human beings, are doing to each other. 

People who said they are against hate and couldn't vote for someone who spewed so much hate are now hating, bullying, and demeaning a group of people they blame for the election outcome. People who share the same race or ethnicity are anger and threatening violence against their own if they ever find out they voted for the president-elect. People are telling other people to pack their bags and leave the country; sometimes this is adults directed towards anyone who said they'd leave if that candidate won and others have been young adults directed towards classmates. Why would we treat each other so?

There is so much hating, judging, name calling, finger pointing, pouting, gloating, and other self-centered, bully like behavior going on that I am sure Satan is laughing with delight. As of right now, I feel like he is the only winner in this election. 

I just wish people would stop for a moment and take a deep breath. Instead of focusing on what they are feeling and going through, think about what others may be feeling and going through. Try to understand why they made the choice they did.  

As I watch the events unfold (riots, protests, threats, and more in addition to what people are posting online), I feel as though I am getting a glimpse of what Mormon, Ether and Moroni felt as they watched as their civilization divided into 2 groups and then started fighting. In their stories, after battles of who was right, they went to war. In Ether's tale, all but 2 people were killed. In Mormon and Moroni's tale, one side prevailed but only after extreme losses and in the process, they lost their humanity. Is this what it has come to? Are we destined to go this same route? I hope that we do not, "but if not" (Daniel 3:18) I know that God has a greater plan and if I trust in Him things may still be difficult but in the end, it will work out.